Quarantine & Youtube

                    I find myself in the pursuit of coming to terms eventually with certain things that I initially find hard in order to live in peace these days. I dread the thought of me coming to terms with anything that changes me but I guess it is just temporary, concerning with the things I am coming to terms with, namely, one of the stages of maturity*. Maybe, coming to terms with things is an act of maturity. And, maybe maturity is acceptance. Maybe maturity is all the things that lead you to wisdom and peace. This conscious life can be full of loopy ambiguity and strict definitions remain unclear. In the beginning, peace seems to come at a cost, a cost of heartache, a hurt ego, putting your pride down, and worsening health (mental and physical). But that peace is, eventually, the fruit to everything that you had to pay for in order to attain it in the first place.

A top-lay arrangement on my table at home.

I spend a considerate part of my time watching Youtube videos, the kind that soothe and inspire me, making me believe that I too, one day, will be able to live by myself, cooking good food and feeding myself with all the right things and thoughts in life whilst having a fulfilling job - oh the hustle, peaceful hustle makes me yearn the alone life. Until then, Liziqi, Sueddu, honeykki, Sorelle Amore, lo-fi music channels, and other feel-good Youtube channels may stay for my rescue.

I have so many channels subscribed and videos on the watch later on Youtube, so many saved posts on Instagram to refer for inspiration and so many things, movies and online lessons on my to-do list that I need to catch up with. 

What is this fear of committing to even the simplest of things even doing in my life given my self-termed current stage of maturity*?

 It's okay, Megh, baby steps.

Liziqi's NYE video.

I found a moth stuck to the net on the window, this is me in life right now, hibernating safely at home waiting for the right time for the wings to kick in. Also, I have been picking up dad's camera a little less often, but every chance I get the motivation hitting me, I give into it. Quarantine or free time is an opportunity to learn, create or rest excessively. 

I try and do as much as I can while I relish the feeling of what it is like to be home.

The moth is me and I'm the moth.

Phewww, I haven't addressed my readers or my followers for a while now. 

( went down a private-journalling spiral)

Hope everyone is doing okay during this quarantine and COVID-19 crisis!

Please stay safe and hydrate yourselves well:)